Wednesday, October 27
You know, I'm really damn glad. You never know how this piano exam had been weighing in my heart. All the while, I thought -- Man, I'll never pass at this rate. My scales sucks, my sight-reading sucks, my pieces sucks. I'm bad at this. Crap, I mean, I thought I'll never get through this. I don't know if it meant anything else to the rest of the talented peeps out there with their Grade 8 Certificates, but it certainly meant something for me. It sorta meant a new phase in life, a new direction... Yeah, why would it have so much impact in my life?
Another certificate, another recognisance. I mean, I'm not the kind of staunched devoted pianist dedicated to her art, yeah, and never will be, for the simple reason is that I'm never good enough. But at least, it's an achievement for me, like finally graduating from some endless class. Really endless. I really regretted giving up my electronic organ because I had to switch to piano, since I was more than halfway towards the final grade. Love that class, but couldn't really afford, since I had to change my organ, and it isn't cheap (duh). Crap. Started my piano from scratch (not realy, those years with organ gave me a solid foundation) in grade 2, then crawled my way up. Literally crawled. But at least I had a really patient teacher and friend. Gotta love her, and have to thank her for just being there for me. I mean, being a teacher for so many years isn't an easy task, and she had along about 20 other students. Now she says it's payback time, lol, which brings me to another phase...
She says she's gonna send some of her lower grade students to me, so I can let her take a break from, I quote, "pesky kids". Lol. Then, suddenly, I panicked. Crap, am I supposed to teach them while she handles her other students? A lot of things passed through my mind. I'm not good enough, I'm bad influence with my less-than-flawless playing, I can't possibly take care of them... It's endless. What the hell am I supposed to do? I'm not prepared to be a piano teacher. All my life I played piano for the sake of completing it. Now that I'm here, I'm supposed to teach?! Oh, right, I have been thinking about that option, but being here and really realising it is freaky. I'll have to deal with parents, irritant parents, nosy parents, fierce parents, strict parents. I don't know.
I'm also thinking of getting that grade 8 theory cert, to complete everything. It's not compulsory, since I bagged that grade 6 one already, but you know... My teacher encourages me to go for it, but not under her this time. She recommends me a teacher, and it's like a freelance class, but... I don't know. Maybe I'll go for it after all, or maybe just not now.
I guess I'm scared. It's a new experience for me. Heck, everything's new for me. I already said it's the beginning of a new phase in life. When I first started playing, I took solely for the reason of an extra hobby. I never wanted to accomplish a lot from it. I play because I like music, and I like to get my hands on the keyboard, finger those white and black keys while they work their magic. I admit I'm not an accomplished pianist, and never will be. My purpose to learn was simply, just to learn an instrument, not master that instrument. I'm not one to devote all my time on piano, because I like to jump from something to another all the time. I lack the discipline and determination as a whole. I know I'm lazy, so yeah.
I like to think of myself as just learning something new. All lot of people think that once you start learning piano, you either become some accomplished concert pianist, or you end up teaching the art full-time, or even just giving up altogether. I crossed that giving up part, but doesn't mean I will end up being the other two choices. Maybe leisure teaching, like apart from my full-time work, just to ensure my techniques don't rust. Maybe I'm just feeling inferior, but I don't think that I can survive the pressure of being a really good teacher, being a really good pianist. I'm just glad that I made it this far and bag that elusive cert. Nothing really.
It's just another cert, I guess.
Posted by Isabelle at 8:37 pm